33 weeks

Yesterday marked 33 weeks. For those not in the know, 40 weeks sets the due date, but if you get to 37 weeks, that is considered full term. For reference, Meg made it to 36.5 weeks and Jake to 30. What does all of that mean? Finn could come any day now, but we'd like to keep him in until my soon-to-be scheduled c-section, maybe April 2nd.

Once again we had some drama this week. This time brought to us by hypertension. Yes, hypertension, a pregnant woman's greatest enemy because it can lead to pre-eclampsia. Fun, huh?

Since last year's head injury (subdural hematoma), I've been on meds for chronic hypertension, which has lead to different and increasing meds during this pregnancy. I monitor my bp (blood pressure) at home and track it in a log that I then give to the docs. If my bp goes over 140/90, I am to call the high-risk docs immediately so that they can change my meds, usually up the dose. My wacky bp may have also caused my bleeding last month (none for a while now). One doc explained that the diastolic (second number) records how high the pressure is going through the veins, like covering the nozzle of a hose to increase the spray of water when washing the car. This increase hits the placenta and can cause it to separate from the wall of the uterus and tear, causing bleeding. Because of this the diastolic number must stay below 90. (Any errors in this explanation are due to my lack of understanding and pregnancy brain.) The increased bp can also account for low birth weight since it affects the amount of nutrients carried to the placenta. Because of this, they also check growth to make sure that the baby is growing at a good rate. Now, you understand it all, right?

Now on to what happened this week ... 

Tuesday night I took my bp after 11 pm so that I could gauge how my meds were working; one of my meds I take every six hours, and I took it at 10. My bp was higher than the 140/90, and I called the doc on call. She told me to take an extra dose and check it again later. The next morning, I awoke to take my next dose and couldn't fall back to sleep. Not unusual lately, especially with the nasty cold that was lingering. By 5:30, I decided to just get up and work and take a nap later in the day. I took my other meds and by 6:30 another bp reading. Still high. Time to call the doc again. This time she wanted me to go to the hospital in case meds couldn't control the bp and something heavier duty was needed. Ugh was my first thought.

I woke up Brian who was was now suffering from the cold as well, and we decided that he would stay home to put the kids on the bus and not alarm Meg, and that Jeff could drive me to the hospital since he was awake and down at the grill house, a building on our property. I called Jeff and started packing up what I might need for an extended stay and possibly giving birth. You never know.

Fear didn't enter here. A little annoyance at having to go in, but I had two doc appts scheduled for that day anyway. I'm not sure how to describe the state of my heart. I have known for a while that this pregnancy is redemption, but at times, it has been hard to reconcile the difficulties with the redemption. Brian and I finally figured out that once again we were jumping to conclusions where God is concerned. Our redemption is not based on having an easy, problem-free pregnancy. No. So far, it's been about peace through these bumps in the road, about health and well-being of Finn and myself, and hopefully about no bedrest. It's also been about joy from the unexpected and a lack of fear when encountered with potentially dangerous situations. If this pregnancy was problem-free, easy-peasy, I've wondered how that would affect my heart regarding the first two. Detrimentally, I expect. I might wonder why the others were hard and this one not. I also think that I wouldn't trust this pregnancy, that I'd be waiting for something catastrophic to go wrong, and I would worry if I wasn't being watched closely. The most amazing part to me is that God knew this before I did and cared enough to tend to the circumstances and the details.

Ok, back to the hospital. Jeff drove me there and stayed for a while to keep me company. Once my room was ready, they hooked me up to the monitors -- baby heart rate, contractions, and automatic bp. I broke down a little here since I was on my own even though I knew Brian would be in soon. They also did a urine test for protein, a sign of pre-eclampsia, and it was negative, not even a trace of protein. They also took some blood to test for PIH, pregnancy-induced hypertension. My doc also stopped by on the way to her office to see how things were going. My bp was still high. Sigh. Brian arrived shortly after I settled in. He wasn't happy that he couldn't bring me in but knew that it was best for the kids that he was at home in the morning. Poor guy was exhausted. Even with Nyquil the night before, he didn't sleep well. The cold and worry over my bp kept waking him up. Some of the rooms have comfy accommodations for the husbands, but this one only had a wooden rocker, not the best for a sleepy man.

Both of us were too tired to work; yes, we both had our laptops. So we watched daytime television. Fortunately, there was a Law & Order: SVU marathon in progress. I would have preferred one of the others, but you take what you can get. All morning I was starving. I hadn't had anything to eat since 6 and that was only a protein shake. A nurse finally let Brian go raid the snack fridge, and I had a chef salad. It was ambrosia ... but not enough. Finally, lunch came at 1 pm followed closely by the high-risk doc for an ultrasound to check on Finn.

During the morning, Finn was as active as I've ever felt him. He always seems to know when they put a monitor on him and he pushes and kicks against it. He'd actually been so active at home the last few days that I thought he may have turned from his breech position to a new one. And, the doc confirmed Finn had turned a bit and was now transverse. (No wonder I've been so uncomfortable!) Our flexible little boy was showing off and sucking on his toes. I have a feeling that he is not going to like swaddling; the other two didn't either. The doc declared that he was growing fine and weighing in at about 4lbs, 12 oz. All is well.

Finally real -- well, hospital -- food. They brought two trays so that Brian could eat as well. Oh, and they started me on a 24-hour urine test where you have to collect your urine over a 24-hour period, keep it refrigerated, and turn it into the lab. Fun. Especially at night.

By afternoon, my bp was finally going down to reasonable numbers, and we just had to wait to hear from a third doctor who was providing the bp support. This seemed to take forever. We were trying to work out Brian's timing for going home and if he would be taking me with him. The timing was tight. To meet the school buses, he should leave no later than 3:30, but if he was going alone and not able to use the carpools 3:15 was safer. At 3:20, the nurse came in to let us know that we could go home. Both of us. Hurray! I had a feeling that I was going to be released and just hoped that it wasn't after Brian had left. If it was, he would have had to pack up the kids and bring them with him, and I would have to wait at the hospital for at least an hour if not more. I don't think the nurse ever saw anyone get ready to leave as quickly as I did. We grabbed our stuff and the pee buckets and high-tailed it out there.

Traffic was on our side, and we arrived home with minutes to spare. The best part was seeing the big smile on Meg's face when she saw me in the doorway.

She upped my meds a bit, 10 pills a day of two different meds. 

Still laughing at this one

As a pregnant woman and mother of a boy in pull-ups, this killed me: Chewable Pampers.

No matter how gross it sounds, you have to watch this. Consider it a special gift to all the moms I know. (Let me know if it doesn't work.)

Dips in life's rollercoaster

It's been a long time since I've written. I wasn't ready to write about some things and too busy to write about others. January was a tough month for us. You may remember that when we were in California at Disneyland, a social worker visited our home (for that ordeal click here and scroll down to "Disneyland, Day Three"). After the new year, we finally experienced the follow-through that's been hanging over our heads. The social worker scheduled an appointment to meet with us on January 9th.

To say that I was upset was an understatement. I was a wreck, and I don't think I would have maintained any sense of calm if it wasn't for Brian encouraging me to talk to his mom, Linda. She helped calm me down, focus, and soothed my aching heart. And, I know she prayed for us as well. I was so upset that I didn't have words to pray and needed intercessors (Thank you, Friends!). And, it was hard to ask these friends to intervene for us. I can't explain to you the shame that I felt about the situation. Any negative thing that I had thought about myself, that our enemy had enforced, was consuming my heart. And, I'm sure that the pregnancy hormones didn't help.

Brian and I did our best to prepare. Due to the floods in the valley, both kids were going to be home from school. Another stepped in and took Meg for the day. Since we didn't know what we were up against, we did NOT want her there. We set Jakey up with the computer so that both of us could be available and never alone. We talked a lot about what we were going to say and not going to say.

Then, a charming and frazzled young woman visited our home.  She reviewed the report with us. Some of it shocked us and sounded awful ... until we were able to tell her the real story. At first, her tone was professional and stand-offish, but as she talked to us and learned more about us and about Jake, the atmosphere changed, more relaxed, almost casual. The next steps would be to contact Jake's doctors (no biggie) and meet with the school to figure out what was going on. We asked her about how the investigation was going, what did she think her findings would be. At that point, she was leaning towards unfounded but needed to wait until all the information was gathered and we had the meeting with the school.

Well, you would think that my stress would go down after that, but if anything it increased. I was incensed at some of the things on the report and worried about how the school was going to play things in the meeting. And, when were we going to be attacked again. My trust had fully eroded. Things that I had told the teacher were misconstrued and used against us. I felt unsafe, unsure, and hurt deeply. Brian was outraged, angry, and hurt. But, since this is my contribution to the blog, you'll really only read my perspective.

So, picture this: stressed, high-risk pregnant woman who is being treated for hypertension.Hmm, what could happen? How about the stress elevating the blood pressure and possible causing enough of a tear in the placenta that she starts bleeding small amounts and having contractions. Oh, and continues to have the bleeding and cramping/contractions every night for almost two weeks. Yeah, that was January. Increased meds, increased doctor's visits, one trip to the hospital. Lots of worry and fear. Lots of prayer and peace. Often I thought of Philippians 4:6-7:

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

OR

Don't fret or worry. Instead of worrying, pray. Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns. Before you know it, a sense of God's wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down. It's wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the center of your life.

The first is from the NIV version, the second from The Message. Words to always live by.

Unfortunately, due to my unique anatomy, the doctors could not tell where the blood was coming from. If only they could ask the individual cells. But, alas, they could not.

So that you don't worry too much, I haven't bled since Monday and before that I went a week without any blood or cramping. And, most importantly Finn is doing well. On our last visit to the perinatologist, the doc said that if it wasn't for me telling them about the bleeding, you could not tell there was a problem. Whew!

Now, during these few weeks, we did have some highs. And, although it may be hard to believe, one of them was the trip to the hospital on a Saturday evening. Brian and I both knew in our hearts that this trip was simply routine, a check to verify that Finn was still doingok. I wish that I could adequately describe how redeeming it was for us to go to the Childbirth Center at Overlake and not be scared and panicking about our baby. The last couple of times we had been there were during my pregnancy with Jake, and those were not good times. Those memories are of my water breaking at 20 weeks, being told that Jake had a 1% chance of survival, that he should be taken to proactively save my life from infection, fear of losing our baby boy as we heard other babies being born, going into labor and being transported by ambulance to Swedish Hospital because they had the necessary NICU to keep Jake alive if he survived birth.

This trip didn't evoke those feelings. I felt joy and redemption. Brian felt annoyance because he thought the trip would be a waste of time. But, it wasn't a waste of time for our hearts. As we drove home after being told that everything was fine, we talked about how nice it was to go to the hospital and not feel stress or fear or dread. To walk those familiar halls where Meg was born and become excited about Finn's birth to come. To remember the joy of Meg's birth which is often overshadowed in our memories by the almost losing Jake. Redemption. We have often felt God telling us that this pregnancy is not only about Finn but also about redemption. We felt so much loss during Jake's pregnancy. Not just concerning Jake, but also loss for Meg. Memories overshadowed, time taken from a princess who did not deserve to lose her mommy for a time when she was only one.

Boy, this is getting long, and I'm not going to re-read and edit. Sorry about that. I will run spell check though.

Oh, so why is today the day that I could write about all of this? Because today we had our meeting with the school. It wasn't planned to be a meeting about the report, but after weeks of the school not setting up a meeting ans saying that I just needed to call the principal, Ishanghaied Jake's IEP meeting. Earlier this week, we had another indirect encounter with the school. Since I was asked to keep it confidential for now, I can't go into it, but suffice it to say that I was so riled up that I called the principal to demand an explanation for the school personnel's behavior and about the report. Not satisfied with with the call, I asked the social worker to join us at the IEP (Individualized Education Plan).

From the meeting, we've concluded a few things. The report is going to be closed and listed as unfounded most likely. That we still have some stuff to learn; the social worker told us that she had never heard such back-pedaling and to request a copy of the report once it is closed (she seemed disgusted by it all). We may have to find a different school for Jake so that he can get the education and support that he needs. Please pray for this last one; it won't be easy.

Throughout all of this, Brian has been my rock. He has been taking care of me and was a fierce warrior on our behalf during today's meeting. When we finally  were able to start talking about the report, he took the lead so that I didn't have to; being the mom, I usually interact with the schools. (The principal left before we started this portion. Hmm.) He had harsh but just words for them; for example, he told them that the stress was so great that I started bleeding. We were a united front and placed the administrators in a position of having to appease us. We made a formidable team. Tonight I feel vindication and victory. When Brian stated several times that nothing good has come from this, no one contradicted him. When I said that this was a misuse of a government agency's time, no one contradicted me, not even the social worker.

Ah, I'm starting to ramble again. I hope that all made sense.

Other downers? Our fridge started leaking and destroyed the remainder of the kitchen and dining room floor. My uncle died after a prolonged fight with cancer.

Some positive things this month? Meg is singing in the choir at school; they'll be participating in an all-district concert on March 20th. Jakey is happy and full of life. Brian disconnected the water from the fridge and the leaking has stopped, no immediate need to buy a new fridge. Brian and I were able to celebrate my uncle's life with my aunt, cousins, and Mom & Dad at the funeral service. My co-workers are holding a luncheon for me next week. We're going to register at Target and Babies R Us this weekend with Meg's help. We found and cleaned up the bassinet and numerous other baby items. I am reminded regularly that I am well and truly loved by my family and my amazing God.

Ugh, had to repost and the yellow highlighting became part of the post. Cie la vie!

If you pray

Please add my uncle and his family to your prayers. He has been fighting cancer, and last night had a heart attack. Last I heard he was in the ICU in a medically induced coma. My aunt has medical issues as well and will be living alone or with one of her daughters. They have three daughters, two of them local, and 9 grandchildren, from teens to toddlers. They've always been tight-knit and I know that my cousins are struggling with their dad's illness.

Thank you.

As of this morning, my uncle died. Please continue your prayers for our family as decisions are made and mourning and grief are in full force. My parents are coming up for the funeral on Sunday, and we need to decide if we are going to take Meg or not. Please pray for our decision making as well.

We will see my uncle again some day, but for now we will miss his strong presence.

My awesome doctors

One of the local medical publications contains stories about people with medical issues and the doctors that treated them. Two of my doctors are highlighted in the current issue (this is a PDF file). The first is Dr. Ali Naini who operated on my head in the Fall of 2007 when I had my subdural hematoma; he is in the article on page 6. The second is my most awesome perinatologist, Dr. Martin Walker on page 7. He has been my high-risk pregnancy doc in all three pregnancies. Can you tell that we love him?

I feel so much peace knowing that I'm in such great care.

And then there's too much rain

If you pay attention to the national news, you may have heard about the flooding in Western Washington. Since we live on a hill with lots of sturdy trees, we are not directly affected. Meg goes to school in Carnation and Jake in Duvall so they have been home since yesterday afternoon. Carnation has been greatly affected by two rivers flooding. The rest of the Snoqualmie Valley area has closed roads from the flooding.

In case you have kept up on the news, here's the CNN link and a video showing the area. We've experienced some pretty major floods over the last few years, but this has been the worst. In some areas, it's been since 1917.

Hurray for rain

I've been awake for the last 2-1/2 hours and although there's has been some stirring in the house, I'm the only one up and about. School is open today but delayed 2 hours. Usually the kids would be getting on their buses right now, but today they are sleeping in for the last time this holiday season.

Brian has stumbled out to fix some coffee and start his day. Jakey is snuggled in bed and muttering to himself. Meg is out cold. Time to wake her up.