Finn is home!!!

I've thought of many somewhat clever titles and decided to go with the simple and most appropriate: "Finn is home!!!"

It all started on Friday morning when they pulled his feeding tube. After that, he had to take all of his feedings by mouth instead of tube. We didn't tell many people since the situation could change quickly, and he would be back on the tube. Finn showed us how tough he is and ate like a trooper.

On Sunday morning, Brian and I arrived at the hospital, went through the paperwork, witnessed his circumcision, and brought our little boy home.

Brian is taking some time off during these sleepless times. (We had no idea how much this little boy grunts through the night. Ugh.)

Time to go and get the kids off to school while Finn is asleep on my shoulder.

Pertinent pics

Another busy week on defense

Let's start with Monday, March 16th, Jakey's birthday. Now anyone who knows Jakey knows that he is far from typical and literally marches to the beat of his own drum, one of many. Because of this, it's hard to celebrate his birthday or other occasions with him. Cake? Why bother, won't eat it anyway. Presents? Only really interested in the computer or other electronic devices, not typical fare. Hats? Streamers? Guests? You got to be kidding. No way. Balloons? Now you're on to something.

Our boy loves balloons, totally loves them. So, on the way home from seeing Finn, I stopped at the grocery store to buy him a bouquet of 8 balloons, one mylar with the number 8, another mylar with Winnie-the-Pooh gang wishing him "Happy Birthday," and 6 latex balloons of different colors. I also brought home a package of his favorite glazed donut holes that he hadn't had in a while. And, Jake's birthday was made. He was so happy to have the balloons that he took them to whichever room he was in, even his bedroom. I had to stop him from carrying them into his bed though. Next time I down/upload pics, I'll show you the one with him in bed, balloons floating nearby. Oh, and this day was also Meg's 1/2 birthday; she is now officially 9 and 1/2 years old.

Also, that morning we found out that Finn passed the 5 lb mark -- just barely.

The 17th was also a momentous day. Early in the morning I took Meg to her second orthodontist appointment. Since we were halfway to the hospital, I also took her to see Finn for her second time. Since the first time was the day after he was born, it was nice for her to him without so many tubes and in such a fragile state. She also held him for the first time and loved it. She's going to be the best big sister and is anxious for him to come home. She also commented on how soft his head was with his silky hair. I'll post pics of this too when I can.

This momentous day was not done yet. At 2:30 pm, Finn took his entire feed by bottle, then at 5:30 pm, he took another feed by bottle served by Papa (Brian for those who don't know Walker family vernacular). At 8:30 pm, he rested and took the feed by gavage (tube), but the next two feeds were completely by bottle! That's 4 out of 5 by bottle! The next day, yesterday, he mostly rested, taking some by bottle and some by gavage. And, last night, his weight hit 5 lbs, 7.4 oz! Over one pound from his original 4 lbs, 6 oz -- in 3 weeks.

He's getting there. Now he just needs to eat solely by bottle or boomba (Meg's word for breast) for 48 hours, and then he can come home. We're getting there.

Oh, and me? Tired, oh so, very tired. I'm not picky about location either. Just give me a relatively flat surface, and I'm out ... until I have to pump again. Brian isn't faring much better. He's tried sleeping in Jake's room but now has a sore throat. Maybe allergies? Life is good but never easy.

Turning a corner ... slowly

Yesterday was a wonderful and surprising day. Finn was awake and alert and ready to eat by mouth. He had three amazing bottle feedings of 15, 22, and 42 cc's out of the 42 cc's he eats each feeding. He was also alert enough to take an unknown amount by breast in the morning. After his full feeding of 42 cc's at 5:30 pm, I rushed to the hospital, taking Brian's turn, so that we could try the breast again. This time the nurses weighed him before and after the feeding since 1 gram of weight gain is basically equivalent to 1 cc of breastmilk. With this method, we figured that he took about 8 cc's by breast.

Finn must have worked too hard yesterday and needed the rest today since he barely woke up for any of his feedings. Despite his sleepiness, he was able to eat another 10 cc's by breast. Just so that you know, the remainder of his feeding is fed to him by his feeding tube. Tonight, Brian made it to the hospital for Finn's 8:30 pm feeding and fed him 18 cc's by bottle. He's on his way home now and called to let me know that being able to feed his baby son meant the world to him.

We still have a ways to go before we can bring him home but are encouraged that Finn has started showing interest in eating. Thank you for your prayers. Brian is well enough to visit, and Finn has started eating by mouth. Your prayers are truly needed and very powerful.

Oh, and can you believe that Finn is 2 weeks old today?

Since it's been almost a week

Today we woke up to snow and a two-hour school delay. Since Meg has a two-hour orthodontist appointment in the afternoon (postponed since we were in the hospital during the original appointment) and Jake is still coughing, we kept the kids home. With such a busy morning, I'll be visiting Finn in the afternoon/evening. Brian is still sick and unable to visit Finn right now.

Finn is doing extremely well. He no longer has an IV and only has monitor wires and a feeding tube left. Over the weekend he moved from his isolette to a crib which resembles a clear, topless storage tub, like one Rubbermaid would make. He is tolerating the 40 cc's of breast milk that they serve him every 3 hours by tube. So that he receives more calories to help him bulk up and have more energy, they are enhancing the milk so that it is 24 calorie instead of the 20 that I provide. 

Because of how young he is and having been on a ventilator, he has not been able to take more than 2-3 cc's (cc=ml) by nipple, mine or the Gerber ones. We've tried breastfeeding every day for the past few days. He latches on easily, but does not want to suck and swallow. He usually falls fast asleep. I've been able to hold him for most of the time that I'm visiting him, even kangarooing (skin-to-skin contact) in a Murphy bad that they have in his room.

The other obstacle that he needs to overcome before coming home is de-satting (desaturation). He needs to go 5 days without his heart rate or oxygen saturation de-satting or going below a certain rate. He had his last one last night, March 8th, in the evening.

Finn is just the sweetest guy. His neighbor right now is a fussy little girl who is often crying loudly, and Finn isn't fazed at all. He sleeps through it or just looks around. The only times that I've heard him cry are when the nurse had to re-insert his feeding tube and when she had to remove the dressing covering his chest tube opening. When he is awake, he just loves to look around. His nurses just love him and his big eyes.

I do have a few prayer requests and would be ever grateful if you could take the time: (1) that Finn would start feeding, preferably by breast, (2) that Finn's de-sats would be all in the past, (3) that Brian and Jake would recover from their illness and that Meg and I wouldn't get it, and (4) that I can maintain the energy that I need to care for my family and Finn while pumping around the clock, I am becoming very weary and tired.

And a couple more

What you all have been waiting for

A current pet peeve

Joy is rare today. A few people have it for a while, most don't. For those that do have it, it may fade. The world discourages joy and tells you, "don't get your hopes up." That phrase has really been bothering me lately. Why not get my hopes up? Will I be more disappointed if my hopes are up? Will I feel better if I kept my hopes down and bad things happen? Kind of a: "Wow, I feel so much better that I knew something bad would happen." No! I'd be affected by the bad and the nasty AND I would have deprived myself of any joy and hope that I could have had.  And, if the bad thing didn't happen, what a lot of worry and woe for absolutely no reason.

So, I'm getting my hopes up. I'm enjoying life right now, not later when it's safe. Life is never safe, but it can be good and full of joy. Your choice and mine.

Because I've been asked

I am recovering from the c-section quickly. Since I'm weaned off my pain meds during the day, I was able to drive to the hospital so that Brian could stay home and rest. My incision looks great, and I've received many compliments from the hospital staff on how well I'm doing. I've also had plenty of energy for pumping every 3 hours (yep, even at night) and sleeping well in between and in naps. I've also been able to play with the kids, work a bit, some super-light housework (dishes and laundry), read the paper, cry, laugh, and rest.

During my pregnancy, I was remembering how difficult the first few months of Meg's life was for me. I thought the lack of sleep would kill me. When Jake was in the hospital, I was grateful for the extra sleep but still exhausted and overwhelmed. A few months ago, I knew that I would need help after Finn was born. So, I prayed and prayed and prayed and prayed for God to intervene, to give me rest and strength, to slow me down and give me peace instead of worry.

I may need more rest later. We'll probably ask for help when Finn comes home, but for now, I'm good.

Simply amazing

Wow. I can't believe that so much has happened since yesterday morning. Here's a quick list:

• Finn's chest tube was out by the time we arrived at the hospital.
• This morning the docs took him off the vent.
• ... BUT did not need to put him on CPAP or a nasal cannula or any oxygen except for what he can get from the air that we all breathe.
• He has been taken off antibiotics.
• He no longer needs phototherapy.
• The nurse gave him his first bath and washed his hair. (Don't tell Meg. She really wants to bathe Finn.)
• They are feeding him 14 ml of mommy milk every 3 hours through his oral feeding tube; the amount increases 3 ml every 12 hours at noon and midnight.
• They removed part of his central line.
• He is back to his birth weight, 4 lbs, 6 oz.
• I held him in my arms for two hours while he rested.
• Tonight they are removing his scalp IV.
• The nurse told me that if Finn continues on this course, he will be home in a couple of weeks.

On the down side, Brian has caught Jake's cold and had to stay home today. Nothing worse that feeling like crap AND having to miss the opportunity to hold your son for the first time. I also had a bit of trouble this morning when my blood pressure spiked again. My doc was hoping that I would be able to wean off some of my meds, but that did not work out at all. It's back under control for now, and fortunately, I didn't miss seeing Finn today especially with Brian ill. Please pray for him to recover quickly so that he can return to the NICU.

I have some pics from today and will post them as soon as we can download then upload, but for now I need to return to playing with my kids who are home.

Moving to the offense

How to start? How about with the big news?

Finn Zachary Walker was born on Thursday, February 26th, at 3:07 pm. He weighed 4lbs, 6oz and was 18 inches long. The docs had to fight to get our gangly little boy out of the womb, but I'll save his birth story for another day so that I can quickly update everyone on how he's doing.

So that we have consistent updates and so that no one is left out, we will be posting Finn's progress here instead of in email or facebook. If you bookmark the page or become a follower of the blog, access to the updates will be easier for you. If there are any terms that you do not understand, just google them. I may not go into detailed explanations, but I will try to type in the correct spelling of each technical term.

This last week has been one of the most amazing weeks of my life. Like I wrote, I'm going to skim over most of it to get to the important part. Today, I am writing from home instead of the hospital. Brian and I decided that although Finn was still on the hospital, I needed to be discharged on Saturday night so that we could devote some time to Meg and Jake. Even though they had their uncle watching over them, they both really missed us being home. Yes, it was hard to leave Finn, but he was in caring and skilled hands at the hospital. Recovering from the c-section has been difficult at times, but on the whole, I'm ahead of schedule with it and doing really well. Because of having to pump every 3-4 hours, my sleeping schedule is out of whack; don't be surprised if we don't answer the phone if you call. We are only taking calls when we are able and awake.

Now on to Finn ...

After he was born, he was moved into the Special Care Nursery, or NICU (Neonatal Intensive Care Unit), at Overlake Hospital. Because of his lung immaturity, he was quickly put on oxygen and CPAP (Continuous Positive Airway Pressure). Even with all of this help, he was struggling. The little grunts that he would make were breaking our hearts. We just wanted to hold him but couldn't yet. On Friday, he developed a complication called a Pneumothorax (or pneumo for short). This required a painful procedure, inserting a pig-tail chest tube to relieve the pressure and allow his lungs to heal. On Friday evening, the balance of morphine for the pain and the pain itself caused him to stop breathing. I happened to be in the room when this happened, and even now, I want to cry about that scary event. The docs and nurses responded quickly so that his blood oxygenation stayed up while he was intubated and put on a ventilator. They also inserted a central line to help monitor him and give him the nutrition and meds that he needed.

We were hoping that they wouldn't have to resort to this, but with the ventilator, they were also able to give him more morphine so that he could finally rest and not have to work so hard. It really did our hearts a lot of good to finally see him at rest instead of a near-constant state of distress. A couple of times, he opened his eyes while my hand rested on his head. He clearly feels more comfortable when Brian or I are touching him and talking to him.

The docs were originally hoping that the chest tube would only have to be in for a couple of days, but by Saturday morning, another complication arose. The tube was either blocked or kinked and the pneumo was redeveloping. They replaced the tube, and we hoped and prayed.

On Saturday evening, he was still resting and doing well so we went home to be with Meg and Jake. I am so glad that we did. They both needed us and needed to know that they were important too. Before we left, we visited Finn one more time. He is simply adorable.

When I called the NICU on Sunday morning, the nurse greeted me with wonderful news. Finn's pneumo was doing so well that they had water sealed the tube in preparation to remove it Monday morning if his x-ray looked good. Hallelujah! But that wasn't all. They were also going to start feeding him the precious mother's milk that I had been providing, the oxygen level on the ventilator was turned down to 23-25%; since room air is 21%, this is HUGE. And, they were starting to wean him off the morphine. Wow! We were not expecting such amazing news.

That afternoon we took Jake with us to see his baby brother; Meg saw him Friday when she visited us in the hospital. Jakey lasted less than a minute so we took turns just being with Finn and talking to him while the other played with Jakey in the waiting room.

By evening, Finn was doing even better. They turned down his vent to room air levels (21% oxygen), were feeding him regularly through a feeding tube, and he was off the morphine.

That brings us up to today.  This morning I called after rounds to find out Finn's care plan for today (Monday, 3/2). His chest x-ray looks great (can't wait to see it), and they are pulling his chest tube. So that he has time to recover from each procedure, they are planning on pulling his vent tomorrow if he continues his progress. Or, they might pull it tonight if he does even better. He's still on room air and the respiratory rate on the vent is 30, but he is doing most of the work on his own. Later today they are also going to start phototherapy for jaundice; his bilirubin rate has gone from 9.3 to 11.6. Not an emergency, but phototherapy is indicated for his size, no biggie. They are continuing his feedings which will also increase his bowel movements and in turn that will reduce the bilirubin.

Brian and I are still wrapping things up at home, and as soon as we shower, we'll be heading off for a visit. We probably won't be able to hold him until after he has adjusted to the CPAP after he's taken off the vent, but we can be there and talk to him and rest our hands on him. The nurse also said that he has been looking around so we we need to be there to give him some faces to look at. We are both looking forward to when I can breastfeed or when we can try giving him his milk in a bottle, whichever he will take.

Thank you for all of your continued prayers. I hope to write more soon and cannot wait until I can tell you all that Finn will be coming home. Until then, I'll update as I can.