Just so mad that I'm trying not to cry

First, we finally have received mail. And, our trash and recycle has been picked up. But, the Christmas presents that I ordered online still have not arrived (except for those shipped through the post office). I am just so angry that the shipping carrier, Fedex, can so cavalierly tell me that they have no idea when the item that I paid two-day shipping for will arrive. NO IDEA!!!! Oh, and they get to keep my money which I wouldn't mind if they had made the slightest effort to deliver to me today.  Heck, they could have tried on Saturday when the roads were plowed.

Then, they give me another number to call but not tell me that the office at that number closed 2 hours ago. I just hate that "you don't matter" feeling of helplessness that I have right now. Nothing that I can do but call during their limited hours and hope that I can convince someone that this is wrong. And, I can't help thinking that their business customers took priority whether they paid for it or not.

Two packages from UPS are supposedly in transit, but I doubt we will see those either tonight. Brian is expecting some packages as well.

Yeah, I know. Hormones aren't helping either. I just wanted to yell on the phone and say nasty things, but I know that does not get anything done and the satisfaction is short lived.

I guess it just feels like those packages are never going to arrive, that they were lost somehow. After all, you don't know that they weren't lost until they show up, right?

Christmas cards

Yes, we're sending them out this year. At least, that's the plan. We picked up the photo cards from Costco on the 23rd and would have picked them up sooner if I could have driven to Costco. Now, I have them in the envelopes. I still need to address them. Not to mention finish the annual Christmas letter, print, copy, and stuff. Hopefully, they will be sent out by the end of the year. Won't it be fun to receive a late Christmas card? Hope you think so.

Snowboarding in Redmond

---This post started yesterday, but I had issues loading the vid. The snow has finally stopped.---

Amazingly it is still snowing. Some of yesterday's snow melted, but Mother Nature has decided that we need more. This morning a light slushy rain started, but now it's dumping again. I wonder when I will next receive a newspaper, mail, or Christmas packages. Sigh.

Below is the video that I took of Brian snowboarding down our street on Christmas day. Please excuse the shaky picture. It's not an earthquake just my own ineptitude.

A Merry White Christmas

It's even been in the national news. The Pacific Northwest has been hit with the biggest snowstorm in almost 20 years. For over a week, we have enjoyed and battled the snow. Yesterday, we awoke to fresh snow that continued to dump throughout the day. This morning we awoke to it snowing again, and we have now lost count of how much we have had in two days, definitely more than 18 inches. So much snow that Brian was snowboarding down our street.

Because of all of the snow, we haven't had any of our scheduled UPS or Fedex deliveries for over a week and no USPS (basic mail) deliveries since Saturday. We will be having another Christmas when the rest of our gifts arrive.

On Tuesday, we ventured out as a family to do some Christmas shopping and go to our latest pre-natal appointment. The doc loved meeting the kids and was happy about Finn's progress.He's an active boy. She also gave me the sugar drink to test for gestational diabetes. I'll do the actaul test on the 5th when we have our next perinatalogist appointment.

Shopping that day was hard.  This was Meg's first chance to do her Christmas shopping, and because of the appointment, we didn't have a lot of time. Our first stop was lunch, and we went to Ruby's Diner, one of Meg's favorite places. The wait was long but the food was good. After that, she really wanted to go to the T-Mobile store. Why? (This is the sweet part.) She wanted to use all of her savings to buy me the new G1 Android phone from Google. I did not know this, of course. We had to do some fancy footwork to convince her not to spend $180 on me although it warmed my heart that she really wanted to.

After the appointment, we drove out to Issaquah for Target and Costco since Meg was going to buy Sean's (her best friend) Christmas present and we had decided on an Xbox 360 for our family. After Target, we walked to Justice, a clothing store for girls, and that's when Meg lost it. We wouldn't buy her a Webkinz seahorse, and all that she saw was injustice. And, it didn't help that she had had little to no protein all day. It was a struggle to love her, stay strong, and fight for her instead of with her. She recovered by the next day but was disappointed that she never finished her shopping. Because of late deliveries and extended Christmas, she is ok with finishing it when we can leave the house again. During times like that, I wonder how we will deal with a new babe.

Speaking of how to deal with a new baby, one this has been apparent to me these last few weeks. God's timing in adding an addition to our family is perfect. Both kids are independent and much more confident. A year ago, Jake would have struggled more with Mommy being occupied with a little one, and Meg would have felt like she lost her status in the family. Now Jakey loves to explore on his own and play on the computer without help. Meg isn't intimidated by my attention being averted and is looking forward to helping out. See, perfect!

In case you were wondering, the kids loved Christmas morning. Jake was entranced by the keyboard that we bought for him. It plays 100 songs and the keys light up to teach you how to play them. Meg is playing Xbox Lego Indiana Jones with Brian and loved her assortment of toys and clothes. This year Brian and were able to shop for all of the kids' presents together which was really special.

The snow continues to fall, and I tear up thinking about the truth and sacrifice behind today. For us, God sent his son, not as a fully grown and mighty warrior, but as a helpless infant. Jesus experienced all that we have experienced for us, for our hearts. The God of the universe sacrificed so much because he loves us, not to prove his goodness or worth (they don't need to be proved), but to prove our worth. Not that we are good, but that we are loved. You are loved.

Enjoy your Christmas! Feel his love for you.

A Christmas devotion

Most of the time, it's hard to believe how much God truly loves us. His love and commitment to us seem only an example of His greatness instead of an example of His deep love for us. And, again, we miss what He has for us, for each of us.

John Eldredge says it best: A Christmas Devotion.

A real snow day

Yesterday schools were closed in anticipation of a big snow, and we did have a bit. By 9:30, the dusting that we had was completely gone. Today we woke up to schools closed and an inch of snow with more coming down. By 9:30, we were up to 2 inches and snow still coming down.

Ok, Western Washingtonians sound like wusses. We close school with just a few inches of snow. Out here in the Pacific Northwest, it's not the snow that slows us down but the steep hills covered in snow and ice. That and the limited number of plow trucks and sanders. Buses don't like our hills on sunny and dry days let alone icy and snowy days.

Jakey was very excited about the snow and insisted on getting dressed and going outside to play. Because of his idiosyncracies, he will not wear gloves or a hat so our time was short but fun.

It's almost 10 now, and the snow is slowing. All of the cedars are laced with snow. Peace and calm permeate the air.

Well, since it took a little while to load the images, conditions have changed once again. The snow is coming down harder and the local kids are using our steep street as a sledding hill. Meg will probably join them soon which means that I have to find her snow gear and be prepared to go outside myself.

First snow

This weekend we received our first snow of the year. Since we are only at 500 feet and not quite at the foothills, we received a bit less than an inch, enough to cover everything. Today was lovely, though, sunny and cold with a thin layer of snow.

And, it's very cold ... for the Northwest ... in the 20's. It may be this cold all week which "they" predict will break 20-year-old records. The roads are icy, and since the kids' schools are closer to the foothills, we have to stay posted to see if their will be a school delay or alternate meeting place. Usually the buses pick up the kidlings at our driveway, but the drivers hate going up or down our hill in good weather let alone icy weather. We'll know by tomorrow.

Some pics from vacation

Meg all glammed up.

The cousins gathered around Papa and the laptop.

Everyone, but Mama, on the Matterhorn: Meghan, Gima, Jakey, Papa, Grampa, Great Aunt Eileen, and Great Uncle Jerry.

Mama and Jakey, with Meghan and Papa in the background, on Jakey's favorite ride.

Papa and Meghan enjoying the Pooh ride as well.

Latest appointment ... finally

First, sorry for the font size inconsistency. Something is weird with blogger right now. It probably doesn't bother you, but it is driving me nuts.

Our last appointment with the perinatalogist was Monday, the 8th. I was pretty anxious for this appointment after our scare the previous Friday. We were hoping for a long cervix to show up in the ultrasound.

Because of unknown traffic and how slow the parking garage can be, Brian and I left the house 45 minutes early. Since we were early, we decided to have lunch at 3 Pigs BBQ, a restaurant across the street from the hospital and one we hadn't been to in a long time -- probably 10 years. Lunch was yummy.

After that, we decided to walk to the doctor's appointment and forgo the crowded garage. We arrived on time and only waited minutes until we were called into the scanning room. Phil, our favorite tech, performed the scan. Once again, Finn wasn't cooperative for a 4D image. The little guy is doing well. From the measurements, his current weight is 1 lb, 5 oz, on the big size for his "gestational" age. My cervix? closed and over 5 mm long which is very good.

On the negative side, my bp was high at 151/91. Ack! Doc increased my dosage in response and also mentioned that usually a pregnant woman's bp rises later in the pregnancy.

Another positive? We have graduated! Instead of in two weeks, we will wait four weeks to this doc again. Of course, unless something comes up, like my bp, which I take at home and record.

Ok, one more thing. Due to my hormone levels early on, the docs have said that our due date is anywhere from 4/9-4/12. We have always been pretty sure that our conception date is 7/4 which would place the due date at 3/23. Now we have two more markers (baby size and bp increase) that may agree with us. Hmmm.

Sleeping struggles

Since last spring, Jake has shared our bed with us (and yes, that is why we know when we conceived ... when we were out of town). Why? It's easier. He sleeps better and longer. And, we were lazy.

Our plan has been to move him back to his bed as soon as we returned from vacation. So, Sunday night, Brian carried him to his bed after he fell asleep in my arms. The little guy woke up, and I laid down with him. And, he protested a lot and often. Each night we have been doing this. When he awakes in the middle of the night and comes to our room, Brian has carried him back to his bed and laid down with him until he fell asleep.

Last night was a breakthrough. To walk to his room, he has to pass ours. Usually, he asks for "bwanket," meaning sleep with Mama and Papa, and tries to go into our room. On this night, he walked to his bed and climbed the step to get in. Once in bed he crawled to his pillow, a big one that used to be on our bed, and laid down. He even wanted his blanket on. And, I didn't have to climb into bed with him. I had my Kindle and laid on the bed perpendicular to his. Soon he was asleep with little protest.

When he awoke in the middle of the night, Brian and I were too tired to take him to his bed and let him climb in with us. Hopefully, it won't set us back too much, but that's ok if it does since we now know that we can get to this point again.

Now those who don't know Jake well may not understand what a vistory this is for our family. Jakey is not the typical little boy that's just spoiled. He truly does not understand a lot and has trouble communicating. In many ways, he is a big toddler. Before when he would sleep on his own, he would only get about 4-6 hours a night. In our bed, he averaged 8-10 and stopped falling asleep at school. This was a lot more than disobedience or spoiling.

If you gross out easily, stop reading

Jakey has had constipation issues since birth and is on OTC meds to help with the problem. Even with that, he gets backed up sometimes. For the last month, he has not had a real BM (bowel movement) except for small stuff.  Then, last night while Brian was at the movies with a friend (he says Quantum of Solace is really good), Meghan yelled out, "Jakey is poopy."

I go out to the garage where they are playing and there is my son, pants around his ankles, streaks of poop on his legs, and ... I won't mention the hands. But all of that is nothig campared to the world-record-setting BM on the floor: 3-inches in diameter, at least 6 inches long (and if anything, I am underestimating).

No cries, no screams, but poor little boy.

So clean up him with wipes, strip off his clothes, clean the area, and throw him into the tub. Ugh.

Dreams of the future

The other night I had another crazy, pregnant-woman's dream. In the midst of the dream, I had to use the bathroom. Jakey joined me in the bathroom, took down his pants (on his own), sat on the toilet, and urinated. Our little boy isn't potty-trained although it is our dream for him to be free of diapers/pull-ups. The best part was that he wasn't much older than he is now.

I've also dreamed of Finn. And, he is a cutey.

We're ba-a-a-a-ack

Warning! Long post ahead. So long that it's not edited at all.

Wow. It's been a long time since I wrote. I'll do my best to catch you all up on the Walker doings -- appointments, housecleaning, packing, and the trip.

November 17th
It's time for the big ultrasound appointment where the tech measures everything and checks out the baby. As always it's good to see Finn moving around in there. The tech estimates that he's about 10 oz and growing well, a little on the big size. (Hmmm, could this mean that our estimate for conception is correct?) My cervix is nice and long at 5+ mm, and we are given the thumbs up for our trip to California. Both the tech and the doc try to get us a clear 4D shot Finn's face, but the little guy won't cooperate. He hides his face in the placenta or behind his hands. He is also quite the contortionist with his foot on his head. There was something funny and something sweet that I was going to relay here, but I forget. If it comes to me later, I'll write about it. Pregnancy brain is bizarre. (Lovely verb tense changes, I know.)

Another Doc Appointment 

On Wednesday, we saw my Ob-Gyn for our monthly pre-natal appointment. Brian and I love this new doc (mine retired in August); she is awesome. Her advice for the long drive was to drink often, urinate often, keep moving out of the car. She even danced a little jig to show me how to shake things up. We laughed the entire way home at how our doctor gave me dancing lessons.

That Week
The whole week is spent cleaning, organizing, and packing. Meg and Brian do so much work. I am so proud of Meg. She worked really hard on her room (thank you, Lord) and helped with the bathroom and kitchen willingly. She also kept up on her homework and helped pack. The whole week is a blur. Brian and I are trying to finish our work so that we don't have to put in any hours while on the trip. That includes adding extra hours so that we can leave early on Friday; it's an early release day for the kids.

California Trip Highlights ... and a Few Lowlights

We started out later than we hoped and ended up slowly edging out of the Seattle area in bumper-to-bumper traffic. We made it to Salem (Oregon, that is) in time for a quick swim in the indoor pool (love Comfort Inns for their indoor pools and free breakfasts). The kids love this tradition, and after the stressful drive, Brian needed the hot tub. Back up in the room, I went to take a shower, and Brian was working on something else. Jakey was done with the day. He pulled off his swim suit and climbed into bed. What a good boy! Except he was still wearing a soaking wet swim diaper.

Saturday we really enjoyed seeing the magnificent Mount Shasta. I slept through most of Northern Cali, and we indulged in In-n-Out Burger (yum) just before we reached Mom and Dad's house in Waterford, California, just outside of Modesto.

Sunday Brian did something that he hasn't done in ages -- nothing. He sat on the couch with my dad and watched hours of football. If you know Brian at all, you know hard doing nothing is for him at home. He needed this break, this lack of activity, to truly rest. Amy (sis-in-law) brought our nephews to visit, and brother Tim came separately (my brother, that is). Tension was thick and unspoken words hard to take. Fortunately, Meg didn't notice (Jake was oblivious, of course) and loved the time with her beloved younger cousins. They look up to her so much and not just literally.

(Other stuff happened, I'm sure ... but pregnancy brain.)

Monday and Tuesday were highlights. Brian and I took off for Tahoe -- by ourselves -- for two whole days. Delightful! Our GPS took us through the windy backroads to avoid traffic, and we listened to John Eldredge talking about the masculine journey. We often paused the talk to discuss various points. Once in Tahoe (ah, the smell of pine) we checked into the Ridge Tahoe, where we have a timeshare (ugh, don't ask). Our room was lovely, and we quickly left to explore Tahoe together. We started at the Hard Rock Cafe for lunch and enjoyed the music videos and memorabilia. Wandering through the casinos hand-in-hand and playing an occasional slot machine with the free $10 card we each received, we had a great time just being together. Eventually we made it to Bill's. Oh, so happily. It's the only non-smoking casino, and the bar has a great selection of microbrews and Monday night football. The place was dead except for two guys playing pool, the workers, and us. No octogenarians blindly pushing buttons with cigarettes drooping out of their mouths. The bartender kept the cranberry spritzers flowing for me, and the Saints played an awesome game. For a late dinner, we ate a delicious meal at 24 in Mont Bleu. Yummy. Then back to the Ridge. ;)

Tuesday we wandered around other parts of town before we attended a timeshare presentation for $75. We wanted to take the Heavenly Gondola, but it was closed. Darn it. The shops were fun though. Then the non-pressured presentation. Ugh. They need a dictionary. The points concept was interesting but pricey. They would not understand that once they told us the outrageous price that we could not afford it. So much for non-pressure.

On to lunch and a beautiful drive to Emerald Bay. Ah, Emerald Bay. Gorgeous. Restful. And back to the kids. They did well with Mom and Dad. Thankfully. Brian left Jakey set to enjoy himself.

Wednesday Brian and Dad took the car in for an oil change while Mom and I took the kids to lunch with Amy (sis-in-law) and our nephews. We met at the mall so that we could have pictures taken of all four kids together. Ha! Mom is ever the optimist, but I know Jakey. He is not ... um ... cooperative, let's say. Wednesday is no exception. It was almost comical. Not only was Jakey a handful, but he distracted the other boys as well, and Meg was trying so hard to keep her eyes open that she looked like a cutout. Very funny and no good pictures of the four cousins.

From there, we wandered the mall and came upon a 50% off sale at Libby Lu (a very girly store and salon). Even the salon services were 50% off. Mom treated Meg to a makeover which came with fun toys and a stuffed dog. She sat so nicely and her hair looked marvelous afterwards. So cute. I couldn't resist buying her the sparkly pink pleather jacket with lacing on the sleeves. Too bad we didn't see the sale before having the pictures taken although she looked lovely earlier as well.

Thanksgiving

The big holiday! One of Meggy's favorites. She loves every dish, except for the stuffing. My brother brought the boys. And, Amy and her dad came for dessert. Tension again. Major tension. I can't explain the situation here, but it's hard for all concerned. Shame and pain. Because of his past, Brian especially feels the pain; he's been there. It's taken me some time, but now I know that I need to be praying for my brother, not writing letters in my head to him.

Black Friday

Since we had such a hard night, we had a late start on the sales. The ads didn't have a lot that we were interested in. Fortunately, everything that we wanted was still available at 9 am which isn't too bad since some of the stores opened at 4. We were able to purchase many Christmas gifts especially for Meg (we bought Jake a keyboard at Costco before our trip). Oh, and the "we"? Mom, Brian, and me. Yes, my dear hubby went shopping with us and had a great time spoiling his family. For the longest time, I thought he would be angry at me just for spending money when I shopped. Lately, I've learned that he was upset because he didn't have the opportunity to share in the spoiling or treating. Now, he does not love shopping, but he does enjoy finding gifts that will delight the recipient. After that long day, he won't be ready to head out to the stores for a long time.

Saturday required recovery sleep for me and Christmas Day with Gima and Grandpa. As usual, Mom spoiled the kids. Meg struggled with over excitement but recovered enough to enjoy the day, play games with Gima, and bake cookies with me.

Sunday we did the long drive to SoCal and my aunt and uncle's house. On the way down, we stopped at Final Score in my hometown of Newhall. Best sub sandwiches EVER! Scrumptious open ham, many slices, sandwich topped with diced dill pickle and tomatoes and smothered in a special Italian dressing. Not a sandwich that you can just pick up with your hands and take a bite.

At aunt and uncle's house, we had dinner with my cousin Scott and cousin Brett and his family. My mom and aunt's good friend Linda joined us as well. Growing up, I thought Linda was my aunt and her daughters my cousins. My cousins were my friends. We shared every holiday and major vacation together. For Thanksgiving we would travel with Linda's family and my aunt and uncle's family to an A-frame cabin in Blue Jay. Good memories, some of my finest.

Disneyland!!!

Monday morning we drove through traffic to the Disneyland Resort where we checked into the Grand Californian. Ahhh. Then on to Disneyland and California Adventure for three days of fun. First thing that we did in the park was pick up a disabled pass for Jake so that he could go in the wheelchair entrances to the rides. Then, we met up with my parents and aunt and uncle for a day of fun. Meg loves thrill rides and sought out everyone that they have. Jakey joined Brian for these rides as well and had a great time. Jake's favorite rides were Pirates of the Caribbean and Winnie the Pooh. Needless to say, I avoided the rides that are unfit for expectant mothers. Fortunately, Disneyland has plenty for me to ride. And, I loved seeing my children having such a great time. The day was beautiful and sunny until evening when the fog rolled in. Fireworks don't work well in the fog. All you see is a strange glow in the sky. Pretty funny to see all of those people staring into the sky at an eerie glow. I forgot to mention that we chose the BEST time to go to the Merriest Place on Earth. The crowds were small until evening when all of the big parades, snow, and fireworks started. Our day in the park ended with a slow (think toe-to-toe traffic) walk out of the park to our hotel. We took the kids down to the pool and ended up in the hot tub. Of course, I sat on the side or first step to keep little Finn safe from the heat. Then we all collapsed in the super comfy beds to rest up for the next day.

A Word (or two) about Joy

Joy has been a serious pursuit in our family lately. We have been encouraging Meg to choose joy instead of the myriad of negative choices available every day. On Monday morning, our first day at Disneyland, we were determined to choose joy and abandon negative attitudes. We prayed and were resolute. Monday ended up being our best Monday EVER. Tuesday, we were complacent about joy and our relationship with God ... and things were tougher. Meg struggled with a good attitude. Brian and I were more likely to lose our temper. It was ugly until we recognized our complacency. Hmmm. We were once again determined to choose joy for the rest of the day and on Wednesday. Well, our enemy and God's did not like that as you will read below. So, the word or two about joy? Choose joy always and never forget to fight for it.

Back to Disneyland, Day Two

We started the morning with breakfast at the Storyteller's Cafe at the hotel. Their buffet was amazing. Meg was really struggling with her morning, and the Disney characters did not help. They terrify her still. From there, we used our passes for early entry into Tomorrowland and Fantasyland. Brian and Meg used the opportunity to ride Space Mountain while Jake and I rode Buzz Lightyear and the Rockets. Let me tell you, going on the rockets with Jake was definitely a physical challenge for me. First, I had to put Jake in, and then climb in behind him. Remember, Jake is not great with instructions and moving my pregnant body with bad knees behind him was not easy. Then, after the ride, I had to get out of the ride with Jake still in the rocket. I'm sure that I was just grace itself. Since it was time for another potty stop, we headed over to Space Mountain, which has the closest restrooms. We met up with Brian and Meg after their second ride, and I walked with all of them to the ride so that all three of them could enjoy Space Mountain. It was hard not to join them. Jakey loved it.

From there we met up with Mom and Dad to enjoy the rest of the day. It was quite a blur, and by the afternoon, I was pooped. Brian and Jake escorted me to our room for a much-needed nap. We enjoyed the rest of the day, but I really don't remember much. We did start packing that night since we had only reserved the room for two nights. Saying good-bye to our comfortable and convenient room would not be easy.

Disneyland, Day Three

We woke up early to finish packing and found that our bill had been slid under the door. As a delightful surprise, the hotel offered us an additional night at a greatly reduced rate. We jumped at the chance to enjoy our day without rushing and the opportunity to enjoy our hotel and Downtown Disney the next day. (Remember, this is the day we were determined to choose joy again.) We rushed to the park, grabbing breakfast on the run, so that we could quickly get in line for the Finding Nemo submarine ride. It was so cool to enter Disneyland and stand in Main Street as they counted down the seconds before opening the park. After the ride, very cool ride, we joined up with Mom, my aunt (her younger sister by one year), and my uncle. Wednesday was Mom and aunt's birthday. Shortly after that, things went a bit crazy. Mom received a call that her brother--my uncle--was in a car accident in South Dakota. A deer attempted to cross the highway where he was driving 50/60 mph. He was ok, the deer ran off, but the car is in really bad shape, and he was shaken.

Then, Brian listened to a message from Jeff, his brother and our housesitter. A social worker had stopped by our house and left her name and number, nothing else. This freaked me out, especially when I could not reach the woman, and her supervisor would not look up the info and promised to call back in 30 minutes. I called both schools, and they had no knowledge of any reports to Child Services (this is really hard for me to expose to you all, by the way). 45 minutes after talking to the supervisor, I called back and was finally told that the report concerned Jake's cleanliness at school. What?!?!? No matter what I knew to be true, I could not fight off the attack that I was a terrible mom. Brian and I prayed ... and prayed. I talked to Jake's teacher again. She assured me that I am the best mom for Jake, and that any concerns that she has are about our family receiving any help that we need. Prayer and her assurances worked. No one loves or cares for Jake like we do, except for God.

And, another hit. Mom received a call that her dad's--my grandpa's--house was broken into, ransacked, and guns stolen. Fortunately, Grandpa lives with my aunt and was not there. Geez! (The next day, an ex-con was arrested for the crime. He still had items on him that were engraved with Grandpa's name.)

After all of that, the day ended well. Meggy had thoroughly our extraordinary trip. Watching Jake experience big rides with the eyes of a toddler was delightful. I wish you all could have seen him on California Soarin', a virtual reality glider ride through California. His legs were tensing with excitement. Watching Meg's eyes light up at riding another thrill ride. Meg misspelling Pooh as P-O-H-O so that Jake didn't get excited when we said Pooh and he couldn't ride the ride. Now our family refers to Winnie-the-Pooh as Wi-ninnie the Poho. And, just spending that much time together as a family, not surviving but living.

Thursday we took our time packing. Meg and Brian went swimming one last time. We explored the hotel together and enjoyed beignets (ben-yays) for breakfast. After the luggage was taken and we officially left the room, we shopped around Downtown Disney. After lunch, we took off for Modesto so that we could beat the rush hour traffic in Los Angeles.

Almost the End of the Trip ... Friday and Another Surprise

Friday morning I woke up at 4 am with some pretty strong contractions. By 4:30, I knew that I would have to wake up Brian and call my doctor. My doc told us to go to the nearest hospital and check it out mainly because of my history. She gave me her personal cell phone number to update her after the hospital trip. We woke Mom before we left and drove off to the biggest hospital, 30 minutes away. We arrived at the hospital by 5:30 am, and I was hooked up to a monitor. Finn's heartbeat was nice and strong, and they recorded one contraction and some uterine irritations. They tested me for a UTI -- negative. Cervix was examined -- closed.They sent us home at 9 am, and we called my doc. Conlusion? I had contractions probably because I was dehydrated. Brian and I couldn't remember how much water that I had the day before.

Another nap, lots of packing, and we headed home Saturday afternoon. I was so proud of Meghan. Good-bye's are so hard for her that she often cannot say good-bye, let alone hug or kiss good-bye. Usually she doesn't cry but becomes hard. This time, she expressed her emotions, hugged and kissed her Gima (my mom) good-bye. Said multiple times that she didn't want to leave. She's growing up.

So with a very FULL car we headed back north to our pets and house. Why house instead of home? On this trip, Meg asked where our home is (we knew that this was a bigger question than location since she knows the location), and we told her that home is wherever we are as a family.

Coming next: our latest Perinatalogist appointment     

Oops

The doctor decided to do the major scan next week, just before we leave for our trip to California. Going for today's scan was still wonderful since Meg was able to be there and experience it all. She was adorable asking questions and writing down her report for her teacher.

Finn is doing great. He's such an active little guy that the tech, Phil, had a difficult time freezing the frame for the 4D shots. My cervix length is fantastic. Fibroids are still hanging out all over the place. And, they changed my bp meds since they might be causing the horrific headaches that I've been having lately. I sure hope that's the case.

So, nothing new to report, except that our daughter is delightful, and our doctor was charming to her (they have the same initials, as he pointed out to her).

Big day

Today is a big appointment. We go in for our 18-week ultrasound, and they'll be measuring every aspect of Finn to see how he is progressing. In an hour, I'll be leaving to pick up Meg so that she can watch and see how it all works. She is then going to give a report to her teacher. Consider it adventures in education.

What else has been happening? Since Wednesday was Meg's last soccer practice, we challenged the U10 team (year older than Meg's) to a scrimmage. Our girls easily won the game. Amazingly cool and good prep for the weekend. After the scrimmage, we had our end-of-the-season party at a local pizza place. I'm going to miss these girls. This is the third season for some of then, second for most. They all enjoy playing together and being a team. One girl was crying that morning because the season was ending.

This last weekend was busy for us. On Saturday morning Meg's soccer team (that I coach ... remember?) played their last game of the season. If you also remember, I missed their first game because I was resting while bleeding. The first game was one of two that they lost all season. (Their second loss was because two girls were out of town and two were sick, leaving us with no subs.) We played each team twice, and this last game was our rematch with the first team. Big game for these girls. As we were warming up, one of the girls collapsed for no obvious reason. She was rushed to the hospital and run through many tests. Some things were eliminated but others still remain. Very serious. Please pray for her and her family.

Back to the game ... Needless to say, our girls were shaken but determined to win for their teammate. They played their hearts out in pouring rain and driving winds. (Brian and Jake were huddled under an umbrella to watch; they only attended one other game, the first one.) In the end, they pulled out a 7-6 win. Woo hoo!

Sunday was another big day for the Walkers. Meg, Brian, and I went to see High School Musical on Ice. We had a blast. Meg and I sang with the music and watched the amazing skaters perform impossible stunts. I would try to describe them but I don't think that I can do them justice. If you know a girl who loves HSM, take her to this fun show.

And, back to today ... if I can, I'll post today about the ultrasound. I may be too busy with work so have patience with me.

You won't believe what I've been holding back from you ...

Our last ultrasound was a week ago, and yet I haven't written in two weeks. I'm not sure why. I have some theories that I might propose later in this post or in another one altogether.

Back to the ultrasound ... our tech's name was (and still is, I'm sure) Phil. Great guy who really knows his stuff. First, we looked at our sweet baby. He's quite active.

Oops, did you catch that? Yep, I said "he." We now know that we are having a boy. When Phil told us, Brian and I both choked up and could barely talk. A boy. At 16 weeks, we were told that we are having a boy. Repeating that fills me with joy and strikes me with terror. Redemption and fear. (I think that's why I hadn't written yet.) More when I can write without tears.

Back to joy, we have also named our little boy, but first we told Meg that she was going to have another brother as soon as she arrived home from school. She wanted to name him Ryan, from High School Musical. Uh, no. When we told her that her brother's name is Zachary Finn Walker, she was ecstatic and claimed that she would call him Finn. Works for me since I have been doing the same. We told Jakey as well, but he's Jake and doesn't care yet.

Back to the ultrasound again ... after viewing the baby and the fibroid farm, Phil performed a vaginal ultrasound. Lovely, I know, but it's the best way to check on cervix length which was great. Then, we talked to our wonderful doc. My blood pressure has been great, and he's pleased with our progress. Lots to cheer about.

As I type this up, I'm watching one of my favorite I Love Lucy episodes, "Lucy Is Enceinte." She spends the episode trying to tell him, but he's too busy to listen. So, she goes to the club and anonymously asks Ricky to sing "We're having a baby, my baby and me" so that she can tell her husband that they're expecting. Ricky has just realized that he's going to be a dad. The very real and sweet emotions that play on the screen always make me cry. According to stories, Lucy's tears were real and unscripted. They even filmed the scene a second time but chose to stick to the original emotionally-charged take. The episode just finished, and I'm glad that I'm typing because talking would be impossible right now.

Our next ultrasound is Monday, November 10th, and this is the big and thorough 18-week one. We're going to take Meg out of school so that she can come watch. She's excited to see her baby brother.

Oh, my. Did I mention that I've been feeling Finn moving around in there? In fact, one evening when I went to bed, little Finn was moving around (this was before we knew Finn was a boy). I lowered my hand to see if I could feel him. I could! I called Meg into the room so that she could feel him. She did! Then, I sent her to find her Papa (Brian) so that he could share in the experience. I knew that if I stood up to get him that we would lose the opportunity. Brian felt Finn as well. Lovely!

A little something about babies 1 and 2

Baby 1, also known as Meghan, is our lovely daughter. On Monday night, her soccer team that I coach had a scrimmage with another local team. We had a slow start, but in the end our team won 5-4. Meg scored one of those goals. Earlier in the game, while she was goalie, she had a meltdown. Meg tends to take any criticism or correction or coaching as a report card on her life, defining who she is. Because of this, she has a really hard time with responsibility, even with accidents. During these incidents, I am sad for her, mad that she can't accept simple responsibility, and (ashamedly) embarrassed when others are watching. We try to remember to talk to her about this stuff when she is nowhere near it and not during the event, which never works. Things are slowly changing.

But, this isn't all my baby is about. And Monday night, she showed how much more. It takes us 15-20 minutes to drive home after soccer. Usually this is a great time for us to chat and catch up on the day and our plans. Because she was in a great mood (who isn't after scoring a goal), I brought up responsibility for our actions and the consequences, even if they are unintended. The talk went so well that we even talked about choosing our battles, another issue. Because we also discussed a friend of hers, we ended up talking about Girl Scouts and Encampment in the Spring, and she asked the big question, "Mommy, will you be going this year?" Some background: Meg has gone for the last two years, accompanied by me. I knew that she wasn't going to like the truth, and I had been hoping that this question wouldn't come up for a while.

Of course, I told her that I probably wouldn't be able to go because I would have to feed the baby. I was a little more graphic and tried to let her know that I wasn't choosing the baby over her, but that I am the baby's bottle. My baby cried that she didn't want to go without me. I wanted to cry with her. It took the next ten minutes to calm her down by peppering the conversation with some joking and a dose of reality: at camp, she is rarely with me. I also let her know that I would come and get her if she was sick. Sigh. Hard night, right?

No. While walking on the deck to the front door, Meg said the sweetest thing, "Mommy, maybe I'll want to stay home and not leave the baby." And, if that's what she decides, it's ok with me.

That would be a great place to end, but I also mentioned Baby 2 in my title, and I can't leave my sweet Jakey out. To know Jake is to know Blues Clues -- intimately -- line by line. His favorite of late is actually an episode of Blue's Room (and now the theme song is stuck in my head again). In it, the characters decide to act out their version of Little Red Riding Hood. Blue is Red, of course, and Joe is the Big Bad Wolf. Red is bringing banana bread to her grandma, and the wolf loves banana bread. Jake's favorite line? "Take (the) banana bread," emphasized with fists grabbing that imaginary bread to his chest. A rather loud wolf howl follows. Describing it does not do justice to how cute he is. Brian has recorded him and made it the ringtone for when I call his cell.

Now Meg is reading in bed, and Jake wanted "bwanket" which is bed with us. And, I am the last one up which means it is time to go to bed ... after I take my bp med, take my bp, take the rest of my meds, close down for the night, etc.

Sleep well, and if you have babies, enjoy them and the details of your lives with them.

Is baby3 a boy or a girl?

We had another appointment with the perinatalogist for a limited scan. I'm not sure what that means, but we saw baby3 again, looking cute and active. The tech focused on the cervix length which was 5 cm. 3 is good and 2.5 okay. 5? Awesome. She also measured my many fibroids. Some of them are as big as or bigger than baby3. We asked to be told the gender if she could tell, but even after an abdominal and vaginal scan (yeah, I know), she wasn't sure. Baby3 likes to sit crosslegged and block the view. The tech thinks she may have found evidence of a boy but no solid evidence. So, we still don't know. Our next appointment with the Ob/Gyn is Wednesday the 22nd and with the perinatalogist on the 27th. Maybe then we will know. Today we were a bit disappointed about not finding out the gender but thrilled with the other results.

On the gender note, we are almost prepared to name this special child. We have narrowed the names down to just a few but aren't sharing them until we bestow baby3 with a name. We've put a lot of thought into our choices and are excited give our baby this gift.

Not much else is going on. Mom was visiting last week and left Sunday afternoon. Her visits are always wonderful and restful. I wish that I didn't have to work so much while she was here, but I have to save my vacation days for our trip in California over Thanksgiving. Meghan especially loves her time with her Gima. Oh, we also rearranged our living room furniture to open up our space more. We love it. It was just time for a change.

That's all for now.

12 years strong

Sunday was our 12th anniversary. With mom visiting, we were able to have a marvelous date. Now our dates are all about being together, not about what we do. So, don't laugh too much at our destinations.

First we went to the Honda dealer to look at the Odysseys, not that we can afford one. Our wonderful Element only seats four, not enough for us any more. We don't want to trade in our new car, and our old minivan is ... well ... a disaster. Back to the Odysseys, they are soooooo nice. Of course, the model we saw was completely cush. Next we went to the Toyota dealer to look at the Siennas. The high end ones weren't open so we had to ask to look at one. Comparing the high end version of one to the low end version of the other? Won't work. Nope. Ah, to have an extra $30-40k around the house or in a bank account.

Next we went to BJ's brewhouse and grill for yummy food. Brian had a couple of beers while I enjoyed their root beer. What a treat. The appetizers are unique and delicious, the entree ecstasy. We were too full for desert this time. Football was on the big screen TVs. We talked and laughed like we always do when we can have some time for just the two of us.

After all of that food, we drove over to Babies R Us to look around at the new baby stuff. It's amazing the advances in 7 years. We stopped at Starbucks for some decaf drinks, Best Buy to walk some more. We finished by going to Toys R Us to buy Meghan the Padme (from Star Wars 1-3) costume that she wants to wear on Halloween. Then, a nice drive home in the rain.

I love my amazing husband. All women should be so blessed.

We have movement

I woke up at 1 am to, well, you know. After returning to bed and trying to find a comfortable position, I felt the baby move. Of course, I couldn't go back to sleep since I wanted to feel the baby again. So exciting. I can't wait for more movement and stronger movement so that Brian and Meghan can feel the baby as well.

My friend who received the abnormal results went back to the doctor yesterday and so far everything is fine. Thanks for your prayers.

I thought that I had one more thing to say ... pregnancy brain.

A couple of things

Today the doctor's office called to let us know that the quad screen blood test came back normal. Now are chances of the baby having Downs Syndrome are 1 in 900 (a little higher but I can't remember the exact number), Trisomy 13 1 in 1900 (see previous parantheses), and Trisomy 18 also 1 in 1900 (guess). I don't know the fourth one and don't feel like looking it up. Time for bed, you know.

One thing that I forgot from the ultrasound. The tech kept measuring a bunch of fibroids, too many for me to count, and one that's three inches in diameter -- bigger than the baby. Brian raised the alarm. Our baby will be born with an unusual fear of balls. We'll have to fish the baby out of the ball bin howling. No ball sports, except maybe dodgeball. The tech loved it. I just wish that I could better convey the humor of it all.

Yep, time for bed. Lots of work waiting for me tomorrow and the rest of the week ... well, actually, month.

Buenas noches, mis amigos.

Sweet Relief

This morning at 7:35 I finished my 24-hour urine test. The results from this test will give the docs a baseline so that they can detect pre-eclampsia since I am being treated for high blood pressure. Hypertension is only a symptom of pre-eclampsia, or toxemia.

Ah, you cannot imagine the joy, I mean drudgery, of capturing your urine every time you go over a 24-hour period and pouring it into a jug. Oh, wait, that's not the fun. The fun part is that the jugs with contents, of course, must be refrigerated until you take them to the lab where, once again, blood is drawn.

Oops, wrong again. The fun part is during the night when every 1-2 hours, you have to go capture the pee, wander down the hallway to the fridge in a stupor, ram your foot into the purple and pink castle that keeps appearing on the floor, bring the jug to the bathroom, carefully pour now, tighten the lid, wipe down the jugs and counter, take the just back to the fridge, return to bed, and hope and pray that sleep will come before another urge to pee.

Yes, the sweet relief refers to completing the test.

Have I mentioned round ligament pain? I'm sure that I have. Ow!!! It's like having a muscle cramp in your pelvic region. And, it tends to be worse at night and first thing in the morning. I don't know what this kid is trying to prepare my pelvis for but it's a bit frightening when my hips and legs feel like a giant is pulling them apart like a wishbone on Thanksgiving. How big is this little one going to be? Meg was only 5lb 3oz, and Jake was 3lbs 2oz. The docs tell me I'll definitely be having a c-section. I need the baby and my body to understand that they don't need to go to all of this extra work. The usual exit will not be in use.

Boy, I'm sounding awfully snarky today.

On another note, if you pray, please pray for two of my dear friends who are struggling in their pregnancies. One is hanging in there on bedrest and the other just received abnormal results from a test and won't see the doc until Monday or Tuesday. Both of these dear ladies need peace and relief. Thank you.

I promised

Here is as complete a report as I can give on Monday's appointment marathon:

Brian and I left the house at 9 am to make it to our 9:30 appointment at the perinatalogist in Bellevue. Because of traffic, Brian dropped me off at the entrance so that we wouldn't be late. Once there, I bought the special DVD for recording the ultrasound, of course. First we met with the genetic counselor. It's hard not to give in to fear during this part of the appointment. All of the risks and tests are gone over in detail, with pictures. We also discussed our family trees and any anomalies in that.

Then, we move to the nurse's office to go over our complete history, health and pregnancies. Nothing too exciting here except the nurse was intrigued by my crazy medical history. We let her know that my neuro surgeon cleared me after my subdural hematoma debacle.

Next the fun began ... ultrasound! By this point, I really needed to use the bathroom, but because the measurements that they were about to take were very important, I was not allowed to visit the facilities. The tech needed to take three measurements of the nuchal translucency. This measurement of the skinfold and fluid on the back of the neck can help determine the risk of downs syndrome. Usually a thickness of 3 or more is an indicator. Baby3's measurements were 1.4 or 1.5. This reduces the risk from 1 in 49 to 1 in 700. Woo hoo! We also were able to see both arms and hands, legs and feet, umbilical blood flow, and that lovely beating heart. Oh, before I forget again, we also were able see baby3 moving around and holding hands up to the face. I also had to cough a few times to get the babe in position for a good measurement. Delightful doesn't quite cover it.

We also saw numerous fibroids, one about 3 inches in diameter and several around the right uterus. I have mentioned that before, haven't I? If not, here it is. I have uterine didelphys or a double uterus. Meg was born out of the left side, Jake the right. I had the tube on the right side tied so that we could avoid another pregnancy like Jake's, but we needed to confirm that this pregnancy is on the left. This ultrasound did that. Give me another Woo hoo! The tech said that they will be keeping an on the fibroids, but we don't need to be concerned as long as they don't interfere with the left side. So far, they don't. Another Woo, with another hoo!

As you know, we also had a 4D ultrasound done which was amazing. Technology is such a fantastic thing. I love being able to see an actual baby. Today was also the first day that I felt baby3 might be a boy. Girl always felt right before. I was trying to figure out why my instinct changed when it hit me last night while looking at the 4D image. As weird as it may sound, the baby looks like Jake did as a baby, big head and belly with scrawny limbs.

I'll post the video when I can.

After all of that fun, we went out to lunch since we had to wait for the doc to return from a procedure. We found a great little Italian restaurant in Belle Square called Luciano's. YUM!!!!! Delicious food. Intimate setting. An amazing date.

And, back to the doc office for our meeting with the specialist. We love this doc. He has been with us through Meg's and Jake's pregnancies, but because I was moved to Seattle during Jake's, he never found out how everything went. It was great fun updating him on Jake's story. Then, more history. Blood pressure stuff. More risk stuff. And, the "bucket." Be sure to read that with a British accent. :) The bucket is to collect my urine over a 24-hour period so that they have a good reading on my baseline protein and creatine. So, can you guess what I'm doing today? Fun, huh? No leaving the house so that I don't have to carry my bucket with me.

Doc decided that we will be visiting with him every two weeks for a limited scan and check. We may even find out the gender soon.

Next? Blood. Two tubes to check for more risk factors. We will receive those results in a week.

We had 20 minutes before my appointment with my gynecologist so we went over to Merry Go Round, a cute but pricey baby store nearby. The gyne appointment went smoothly, basically just a check in.

Brian also played pack mule all day, carrying around our laptops in case we had some time to work. Never happened. Oh, well.

I may have forgotten something and I don't feel like editing. Sorry. I hope it's not too hard to understand.

Too tired for ... zzzzz ...

... for a full post as promised. Round ligaments hurting as well. But, I had to at least post the image of the 4D ultrasound. The tech couldn't tell gender yet, but we go back every two weeks so maybe next time.

The short ...

Tomorrow, or when I have a bit more time, I'll go into more details with pics and all ... hopefully.

Our appointments were wonderful. We heard about all of the possibilities for problems, talked over our history and family health, did the high-tech ultrasound, ate lunch (yum), talked to the perinatalogist, let them draw blood, and met with my gynecologist. The baby is healthy and growing all of the parts a baby needs.

A happy day! More later.

Some general blathering

A bit of time has passed since I last posted. Life has been busy, and I have been tired.

Full time work has been kind of weird to adjust to. I didn't realize how much time I had before. I could usually squeeze in doing the dishes or running some errands or picking up around the house or taking a nap AND still have time in the evening. Now if I do one of those things, I need to make up the time in the evening. Fortunately, my work is always fascinating and seldom boring. I prefer it to all of the fun stuff listed above.

This last weekend Brian and I introduced Meghan to the Star Wars saga, starting with the original on Friday night and Return of the Jedi on Sunday. Last night she finished her homework early so that we could watch The Phantom Menace. She loves it! A year ago, she wasn't ready for it. She would have been scared and had nightmares. Now, she is able to differentiate between fiction and non-fiction. We won't expose her to horror; I can't even take that. It's just nice to know that she can enjoy more sophisticated movies. She's not ready for Lord of the Rings yet, maybe next year.

Saturday was a big day for Meg and me. Her soccer team, that I coach, won its first game of the year. The girls did great. It's nice to see that they are finally understanding soccer. Wet, though, very wet. Afterwards, we went out to lunch and then my first trip to a maternity shop. Meg helped me choose a top and a pair of jeans. I love them both, except when I wore the jeans, I had to keep hiking them up before they fell down. And, not because they are too big. I've been trying to think of a way to describe this odd phenomenon. I'll write more when I figure it out.

How's the baby? Baby3 is doing great as far as we know. My next appointments are scheduled for Monday, throughout the day. It should be interesting. At 9:30 am, we are scheduled to meet with the genetic counselor. Lovely. Then, we wait until the perinatalogist returns to the office after a procedure in another office. (Good thing that they have wi-fi, and we have laptops.) After that, I'll be puttering around Bellevue until my 2 pm with my gyne. Brian will be there for the first two appointments, but I doubt he'll be able to stay away from his work for that long. This will be a BIG day with the high tech ultrasound.

Last Friday I went to my first deep water exercise class in 9.5 years and had a blast. On that day, there were only 5 other women, most of them much older, but incredibly welcoming and sweet. I also went Monday and today. I loved working out in the pool. I can control my exertion and push when I need to. I ended up buying the pass (12 for the price of 10) so that I will keep going.

Other big news is that my dear friend Ruth and her family are currently in China to bring home their new baby daughter. Her family has been waiting for almost three years and are ecstatic. They have been updating the states in their blog, and I keep reading their exploits every day.

One last and wonderful item. Our beautiful daughter turned 9 last week. She is such a young lady. We celebrated as a family on the day and will be hosting a party at the cinema for her friends once High School Musical 3 is released on October 24th.

That's all for now.