Too tired for ... zzzzz ...

... for a full post as promised. Round ligaments hurting as well. But, I had to at least post the image of the 4D ultrasound. The tech couldn't tell gender yet, but we go back every two weeks so maybe next time.

The short ...

Tomorrow, or when I have a bit more time, I'll go into more details with pics and all ... hopefully.

Our appointments were wonderful. We heard about all of the possibilities for problems, talked over our history and family health, did the high-tech ultrasound, ate lunch (yum), talked to the perinatalogist, let them draw blood, and met with my gynecologist. The baby is healthy and growing all of the parts a baby needs.

A happy day! More later.

Some general blathering

A bit of time has passed since I last posted. Life has been busy, and I have been tired.

Full time work has been kind of weird to adjust to. I didn't realize how much time I had before. I could usually squeeze in doing the dishes or running some errands or picking up around the house or taking a nap AND still have time in the evening. Now if I do one of those things, I need to make up the time in the evening. Fortunately, my work is always fascinating and seldom boring. I prefer it to all of the fun stuff listed above.

This last weekend Brian and I introduced Meghan to the Star Wars saga, starting with the original on Friday night and Return of the Jedi on Sunday. Last night she finished her homework early so that we could watch The Phantom Menace. She loves it! A year ago, she wasn't ready for it. She would have been scared and had nightmares. Now, she is able to differentiate between fiction and non-fiction. We won't expose her to horror; I can't even take that. It's just nice to know that she can enjoy more sophisticated movies. She's not ready for Lord of the Rings yet, maybe next year.

Saturday was a big day for Meg and me. Her soccer team, that I coach, won its first game of the year. The girls did great. It's nice to see that they are finally understanding soccer. Wet, though, very wet. Afterwards, we went out to lunch and then my first trip to a maternity shop. Meg helped me choose a top and a pair of jeans. I love them both, except when I wore the jeans, I had to keep hiking them up before they fell down. And, not because they are too big. I've been trying to think of a way to describe this odd phenomenon. I'll write more when I figure it out.

How's the baby? Baby3 is doing great as far as we know. My next appointments are scheduled for Monday, throughout the day. It should be interesting. At 9:30 am, we are scheduled to meet with the genetic counselor. Lovely. Then, we wait until the perinatalogist returns to the office after a procedure in another office. (Good thing that they have wi-fi, and we have laptops.) After that, I'll be puttering around Bellevue until my 2 pm with my gyne. Brian will be there for the first two appointments, but I doubt he'll be able to stay away from his work for that long. This will be a BIG day with the high tech ultrasound.

Last Friday I went to my first deep water exercise class in 9.5 years and had a blast. On that day, there were only 5 other women, most of them much older, but incredibly welcoming and sweet. I also went Monday and today. I loved working out in the pool. I can control my exertion and push when I need to. I ended up buying the pass (12 for the price of 10) so that I will keep going.

Other big news is that my dear friend Ruth and her family are currently in China to bring home their new baby daughter. Her family has been waiting for almost three years and are ecstatic. They have been updating the states in their blog, and I keep reading their exploits every day.

One last and wonderful item. Our beautiful daughter turned 9 last week. She is such a young lady. We celebrated as a family on the day and will be hosting a party at the cinema for her friends once High School Musical 3 is released on October 24th.

That's all for now.

The pollywog loses its tail

From one of the baby sites:

Your baby is somewhere between 1 and 1-1/2 inches in length and probably weighs about 4 grams (or as much as four paper clips). He or she has lips, toes, eyes that are usually open, ears that are completely formed, and the genitals are becoming more clearly defined. The little pollywog you have inside has lost its "tail" and this week marks the end of the embryonic stage and the beginning of the fetal stage!

and POP!

Since yesterday morning, I think my belly has gone pop. It's started inflating. It still looks like fat, but there's a hardness beneath the surface, and I've had no weight gain. Now it's that awkward stage where I don't look pregnant, just bigger.

Emotions are popping as well. Yesterday wasn't a weepy day, but it was a sad/anxiety day. Self-esteem was also in the toilet. I could not stand to look at myself in the mirror without diving deeper into the morass. I just kept telling myself that it was hormones and would pass. I think it has for now.

Last week Meg and Brian were on the computers next to each other and spent time coming up with names for the baby. I haven't decided whether to share them or not. Names can be such a touchy issue, and with my emotions, I don't think that I could take any negative responses.

Next week I start working full-time at home. It's only until the end of February and will help us out financially. I'm looking forward to the change and will probably welcome the break when February is over. Just perfect.

And the winner is ...

Me! I am off of my confinement and allowed to resume normal activity. We saw the fluttering heartbeat again, and tomorrow I call the perinatalogist for an appointment.

I am also going to check out a deep water exercise class next week when the pool is open again. I really enjoyed it when I was pregnant with Meghan. Until then, I'm going walking on the treadmill or at a park while the weather holds.

Right now, though, I am beat. After the appointment, Brian and I went out to lunch, then I went grocery shopping. When you haven't done much in the last couple of weeks, you get tired easily. It doesn't help that I haven't been sleeping well, short nights.

Trust

Today is the day of the big appointment. I should know how the babe is doing in two and half hours. As I think about it, I'm having a hard time ditching anxiety and clinging to trust. And, then when I'm trusting, am I trusting or just suppressing anxiety?

I was having a discussion with God last night. Is discussion the right word? I was asking him how I can relinquish something that isn't solid, physical? How do we "let go" or unburden ourselves to Jesus? Do we just say it to ourselves until it feels real? That can't be right, but it feels like that's how I try to do it. Sometimes I visualize it, but even then, is it given over to him? I also feel like I often grab things back from him, but now I wonder did I ever give it to him or just push it down so that I can't feel it for a while.

Now let me tell you why I wrote the word "discussion" instead of "talked to": I felt a response. Instead of my anxiety keeping me awake all night, which of course, just set off more anxiety, I fell deeply asleep almost mid-discussion. I know myself and my responses to stress pretty well. Falling asleep is not one of them. Wonder where the peace for sleep came from? I don't.

Hormones ... ya think?!?!

I've been watching Boston Legal because it's interesting, funny, and I really don't have much else to do. I think my hormones are kicking in since I'm crying during sad, happy, and touching scenes. I don't think the writers ever intended someone to cry during the Denny and Alan 5-minute finish on the balcony.

As for blood, still there. Not quite as bad.

14 hours

I went 14 hours without bleeding. It has now started up again but lightly. Some on the pad, a little in the toilet, and more on the toilet paper. There's hope, though, and prayer. I'm sure that there is fear deep down. And, I'm not sure if it's denial or peace that keeps my hope going, but going it is.

Bubble, bubble, toilet trouble

One other fun thing this week: toilet trouble. One day earlier this week, the gate to the hallway was down, the toilet seat was up, and Jake had obviously been down the hallway. After that, the toilet began having troubles with flushing. We had numerous overflows. The wet-dry vac took up permanent residence in the shower. I became really fast at removing the lid and holding the floating ball in the tank. Then, the lid just stayed off and the plunger used to keep the ball up. Jeff, my brother-in-law, even had to run to Ace Hardware to buy us a new plunger.

Now imagine this: pregnant woman who drinks and pees all day long paired with a single and broken toilet. Also, my sense of smell is heightened, and I'm stationed on bedrest across the hall from a broken toilet. Like I said before, fun.

On Friday morning, we caved and called Roto Rooter. Roto Rooter, that's the name, and away your troubles down the drain.

They sent us Cody who discovered that someone flushed a pill bottle. Oh, who could that be? one of the cats?

So, then our toilet was out of service, our only toilet, and I'm a pregnant, peeing woman on bedrest. Imagine my joy when Cody told me that the bottle had gone beyond the trap and was stuck in a turn of the pipe. We needed a replacement, and Cody had to go buy one from the plumbing supply store.

I have a pitcher that now needs to be trashed or sanitized. And, we now have a new toilet that does not have the extra bend that our old one had. It also has a special high-pressure bladder that helps to move waste faster through the pipes to the septic tank.

Drama over. Well, at least that one.

Praying it will last

Brian asked me yesterday if I had been praying for the bleeding to stop. Amazingly, my answer was "no." I hadn't prayed for that. It seems awfully silly. Since then, I have fervently. About two hours ago, the flow has become minimal, nothing in the toilet, nothing on the bad, only on the toilet paper (sorry for the gross stuff again). I just went to the bathroom again and still nothing, nothing, very little. Could this be the end? Oh, how I hope that after Tuesday's appointment I will be able to return to normal.

Blood and Peace and Weeping

What a title. But, that's what it's all about, isn't it? I was abrupt with my last post so that I could have the facts down. There was a lot more going on, though.

This gets a little gross so you may want to skip the next paragraph or so. It started Monday. All day I felt achy, lightly crampy. I rested most of the day since I could; school started the next day, and the kids were ready. In the evening, Meg had soccer practice, and since I am/was the coach, so did I. Practice is pretty light for me since the girls do most of the work. The cramps subsided while I was active. That night, I went to the bathroom and when I wiped (the gross part), there was blood. When you're pregnant, there's nothing like blood to freak you out. At 11pm, I was a mess and called the doctor's office. One of the partners talked me down from my near hysteria. After all, at this point, it was only spotting and the baby was fine just a few days ago.

By morning, I was feeling much worse and had fished some tissue and possible blood clots out of the toilet. Gross, I know, but much scarier than gross. My cramps were worse as well, not quite period-worse, but definitely worse and concerning. I helped Meg and Jake prepare for school and sent them on their buses. As soon as the doc's office was open for business, I was on the phone. Eventually, the nurse called me back and set up an appointment for the afternoon. I was not calm and constantly near tears. I had adjusted to being pregnant and wanted this baby -- badly. All I could think about was miscarriage. Work was impossible. I cried out to God many times, but I don't think any of it was English. Brian was praying as well, over me and in the back of his mind while he worked.

Finally, it was time to leave for my appointment. We held hands while Brian drove. We talked about the possibilities. Then, a minor miracle for my heart. Speeding down 520, near the NE 40th St exit, I felt peace drape over me like a comforting blanket. Things weren't ok. Nothing had changed. But, I felt better, soothed.

We sat nervously waiting for my name to be called at the doc's office. Once called, I gave my urine donation and baggy of grody stuff (see above) to the nurse and prepared to speak to the doc. Now this is one of the reasons why I really like this doctor. As soon as she walked in the room, she said that she wanted to go straight to ultrasound to check on the baby. Within minutes, we could see the fluttering heartbeat, even better than before. She also showed us the blood pooling in the area but not touching the uterus. The baby was safe. The perigestational bleeding could be a sign that I was going to miscarry, but it could also NOT be a sign of miscarriage. She told me to "take it easy" and return in a week for another ultrasound because it would make her feel better. That made me smile.

My 24-hour urine test has been put on hold as has my consultation with the perinatoligist until we know that I have a viable pregnancy. Viable. It's a word that has haunted us since my pregnancy with Jake. And, now it returns.

Many have asked how I am doing now. Still bleeding, but peaceful, and weepy.

a simple update

Here's the story. Monday I was feeling a little crampy and spent most of the day resting. By late that night, I also started spotting. Throughout the night I was lightly bleeding and cramping. Tuesday afternoon, Brian took me to the doctor so that we could discover what is happening. Our doc is awesome and decided to go straight to ultrasound to check on the baby. Once again we saw that flicker of light that looks like a brightly lit butterfly. The baby is fine. I do have perigestational bleeding which fortunately isn't touching the uterus and will hopefully just subside. Sometimes it is a precursor to miscarriage, but sometimes it isn't. This may be the same thing that I had during Meg's pregnancy, and that went fine. So, right now I'm on "take it easy" orders from my doc which Brian is translating to light bedrest.

I'm still bleeding a bit, not a lot, but I won't go into that. :) And, my cramps are pretty tame and controlled by tylenol. Fortunately, I have my laptop and many ways to entertain myself.