Correction & First Baby Photos

We had our first pre-natal appointment with my new Ob-Gyn; Dr. Conner retired this year. Dr. Keely Brown is fantastic. Brian was there and also liked her. She believes that my body knows what it is doing and knows how to carry a baby, that we should take things as they come and enjoy the pregnancy. Perfect.

Gotta tell ya, I'm having a difficult time typing this as Jakey is making wolf howls in my face and keeps grabbing my hand. He'll keep going until I say "What a good wolf!" several times.

Back to the appointment ... we chatted for while, did a quick exam, then onto the vaginal ultrasound. The heartbeat appears like a flickering light; there is nothing like seeing that beacon of life flashing quickly. She gave us a couple of pictures to take home and an adjusted date: April 12th, 2009. Until I have a more high-tech ultrasound, that is our official date. I'm a little disappointed but also very happy that this isn't a multiple pregnancy, no twins or triplets.

Conception was definitely when Brian and I were on our weekend away in LaPush on the Olympic Peninsula. Since Meg was conceived at Lake Ozette, we figure that we have an extra bit of potency on the peninsula, on of our favorite places in the world.

Before we left, the phlebotomist took about six vials of blood, we set up monthly appointments through November, and started a referral to Maternal Fetal Medicine. MFM is a clinic of perinatologists who focus on high risk pregnancies. I will probably see them in the next month for a high-tech ultrasound.

So, I'm signing off tonight at 7 weeks, 5days +/- 2 days.

9 weeks 5 days

I could sleep all day. Being a mom with a super messy house prevents this. Oh, well.

Something new today. I have an odd rash all over my upper abdomen. It itches a bit, not much, and looks like faint red dots. Online sources say that it's typical. I also feel like I'm starting to show and not just the layer of fat that's already on my belly.

That's about it. Today is finally sunny, and the kids and I are going to Costco to order some new glasses for Meg. Her most recent pair broke again. Sigh. Jakey will like the opportunity to go out.

According to the calendars

We are nine and a half weeks a long. Wow. Already? It's all so strange to me that in just a couple of weeks, we will have completed the first trimester. For the other two pregnancies, we were trying so hard that I knew that I was pregnant on the day that I was supposed to have my TOM (time of the month). I usually know a whole month earlier. This probably doesn't seem weird to anyone else, but it sure does feel weird to me.

The doctor's office finally called back today. My first pre-natal appointment is scheduled for Friday, August 29th, at 4:30. Jeff, Brian's brother, is going to watch the kids, and we're going to make a date of it. Always a good thing. Meg is excited bacause she just adores any time that she has with her beloved Uncle Jeff.

I'm hoping that we will be able to hear the heartbeat then and that they will be able to tell us if we are expecting twins. They do run in my family, and it would add some major complications. I've always wanted twins, though, so I'm not sure what to pray for. Good health. Strong pregnancy. Full term (never known that one).

A sister's response

Of course, Brian and I could not let the day pass (8/12) without telling Meg our big news. She sat on my lap with Papa (Brian) right next to us. Now, I wasn't expecting cheers. I knew that she had changed her mind about a brother or sister and was very content with our family the way it was.

I also wasn't expecting the tears, the sobs. "I don't want a baby brother or sister" and "if mommy is going to have another baby, I don't want her to be my mommy any more." Poor thing. The pregnancy was a real shock. I could hear the fear in her voice.

For once, we did the right thing. Instead of fighting her or telling her to suck it up or getting angry, we asked her why.

She was concerned that the baby would take her toys, that she would have to give them up. We allayed that fear pretty easily.

She started to calm down and told me that she would visit me in the hospital every day.

Ah, here's the truth. Meg still remembers my pregnancy with Jake. She wasn't even 18 moths old when I was in the hospital for a total of four weeks and on bedrest at home for six, but she remembers. Yes, she remembers.

August 12th and a big surprise

On Tuesday morning, I'm cranky as all get out and have had a major fight with Meghan (yeah, she's 8). Stupid, I know. Who's the adult after all? O'kay, back to the story. I drop Meg off at camp and as I'm driving home, I realize that I have had no sign of my period in a LOOOOOONG time (not the dragon, the length ... too obscure?). At least since mid-June.

Straight to the grocery I drive while trying to figure out if I should buy a pregnancy test or a menopause test. They only had the pregnancy ones. I purchased the two-kit generic package because it was only $3 more. Why? I don't know.

At home, I surreptitiously (ooh, big word) take the test only to discover that it is positive in less than 30 seconds. O'kay. Now what?

Fortunately, Brian is home, and with tears in my eyes and fear mingled with joy in my heart, I go to tell him the news, Well, show him actually. He is as stunned as I am. When I tell him that I bought the two pack, he suggested that I take it as well. So, I did.

I have never seen a test turn positive so quickly. The cross bar on the plus sign showed before the negative sign and the control line.

Now, I understand that for some married people who want more kids this is no big deal since we are married people who want more kids. The difference? Two years ago I went through two rounds of IVF without enough eggs to harvest either time. We were told to give up, that I was probably going through early menopause. Add to that, I have never had an easy pregnancy. Two uteri. One kid born out of each, the first a month early with a week of bedrest midway and super high blood pressure at birth, the second with water breaking at 20 weeks and 10 weeks of bedrest, four of those in the hospital, and 3 months of NICU. The second event shouldn't repeat itself since that tube was tied, but ...

Tuesday was deer-in-headlights day. I don't think that I accomplished a single thing except for picking up Meg from camp, playing my last soccer game for a while, having my blood drawn for a pregnancy test at the ob-gyn, and putting the pieces together on my weird body reactions for the last two months. Oh, yeah, forgot to mention. I'm about 8 weeks along because I forgot that I hadn't had my period since mid-June.

We, Brian and I, have been trying to really look at ourselves and our response, to understand what this really means in our lives. We always wanted four kids but have been content with two. Both of us struggle with giving in to fear and hesitation instead of embracing this precious gift of joy that God has given us. Why worry? Plan, yes. Think ahead, yes. But, to deny ourselves the joy that comes from this announcement has revealed to us what we really feel about the heart of God, and it's not pretty. This is such an opportunity for redemption. Our previous pregnancies were hard. God can redeem them. We've made, and continue to make, mistakes with our kids. God can redeem them. We've struggled with why having kids is so hard for us. God can redeem this as well.

I could go on all night here, but I think the baby is telling me to go to bed. Tomorrow is a long and busy day, full of wonder and discovery of new things and old. Next I really want to share how Meg is responding to all of these changes. Like life, it hasn't been perfect, but it has been sweet ... and hard.